


Tu Solo Tu (You Only You)

by BelleMuerte



Category: Narcos (TV), Narcos: Mexico (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Divorce, F/M, brief description of anxiety attack, brief description of panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27564325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BelleMuerte/pseuds/BelleMuerte
Summary: Miguel knew this was the beginning of then end as he watched his world slowly fall apart around him. And as much as he wish to deny it, the facts lining up in the back of his mind wouldn’t leave him to rest in peace. Yet, when all was said and done, there was two things pushing Miguel to continue on forward— his dream and the memory of a woman he gave himself to long ago.
Relationships: Miguel Ángel Félix Gallardo/Reader, Miguel Ángel Félix Gallardo/You
Kudos: 7





	Tu Solo Tu (You Only You)

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Angst, Divorce, Brief description of panic/anxiety attack  
> ~~~~~~~~~  
> At the moment the story is as is. This is due to the fact that my original idea has made me a little uncomfortable since I had somewhat based it off a real event/person. If I do decide to continue it, I would need to change a few things. However, I hope you enjoy this snippet and thank you so much for reading my work!

On June 18th, at 10 o’clock in the morning, Miguel Angel Felix Gallardo and Maria Elvira de Felix were officially divorced.

While others during this time would feel something akin to sadness, anger or even remorse, Miguel was tired. He was tired and bitter. And, after thanking his lawyers and turning his back on Maria for the final time, Miguel Angel went back to his hotel with those two emotions swimming around inside of him.

* * *

As the day finally gave way to the darkness of the night, so too did Miguel Angel’s distractions. He was left with the emotions his mind tried to cover up. Sitting in the empty office alone, he slowly fell deeper into the chaos fighting for control inside him. He was tired. Tired of being the only one who could see an empire waiting to come to fruition. He was tired of keeping up a facade for men who rather cut off his head and take his money then work with him.

But most of all, Miguel was bitter. So much time wasted on vows that ended up broken. So much love was given to a wife who now wanted nothing to do with him. He thought he had given all of himself to Maria—had assumed that she would stick with him through everything and be the one by his side when the final version of the world he was creating would come to be. Maria stuck with him through his transition into the drug trade, with Rafa growing weed in their backyard and their expansion outside of Sinaloa. Yes, she was right about the power getting to his head. But who wouldn’t? He was a man sitting on top of the world. No, not just a man. He was a king leading his people to better, fruitful days. So, he might have slipped up a couple times— let a few women sway him their way but he’d come home to her and their kids. Miguel apologized each and every time. Told her that none of them meant anything to him because at the end of the day, it was that same power she hated that he needed to use to display to the other Plaza leaders.

He really thought she understood. Maria was a smart woman who knew how the drug trade worked. As the daughter of an opium dealer, she knew that everyone had a part to play in order to win this game. Everything was fine as it was. Nothing needed to be changed, she just needed to continue standing next to him. No harm would come to her or their kids. He, Miguel Angel Felix Gallardo, had the power to truly promise them an easier and protected life. They were broken dreams now, though. Or at least, they were dreams he couldn’t share with anyone anymore.

He was bitter but that didn’t mean he’d be selfish and leave her with nothing. She was the mother of his children and did put up with more things others couldn’t. And, despite Maria no longer being his wife, he still had love for her. Maybe not in the way she wanted but Miguel did love her. Maria was beautiful. What, with her glowing tanned skin and her pretty smile. Maria was the definition of beauty and brains. She was level-headed, smart, and strong. A no-nonsense kind of woman who wasn’t afraid to join in with men if she needed to. Maria was everything a man could want. And Miguel did. He wanted her so much that Miguel used to be proud of the story he would tell everyone about how hard she made him work to get with her. But, he couldn’t give all of himself to her and maybe Maria could see that. Miguel had already given the majority of himself, when he was still young, to someone else. Someone he would rather not think about right now.

Miguel sat back in his chair then, hands reaching into a drawer for his pack of cigarettes. He needed that kick of nicotine to distract him. These emotions gnawing at him from the inside were trying to break free. Miguel could feel them trying to tear each other about. Who would rule the spiral his mind would fall into? Anger? Bitterness? Sorrow? Longing? He couldn’t control any of it. Not this time. They bubbled and ragged beneath his skin, screaming at him to choose the victor and let one of them reign. Miguel wanted peace. He struggled with finding a way to clear everything out and let himself breathe easy again.

“Fuck,” he grunted, “Fuck. Fuck.”

The air in the room was depleting around him. Each muscle in his body was tensing up inside him. His heart was pushing against its cage to try and join his warring emotions. Like a steady stream, Miguel could feel his forearms prickle as if a thousand needles were puncturing his skin.The box of cigarettes crumbled within his grip and he could only watch as the lighter in the other hand bit into his skin. What was wrong with him? He lost control of one thing and now he’s losing control of himself?

Panic.

He...he was panicking?

And like a dam had been broken, the world came rushing back to him. Miguel let out a choked laugh then. He was honest to god panicking. This was something that hadn’t happened in so long. Was he really that riled up for him not to realize what was really going on? Miguel thought he had found a way around that. He knew, or thought he'd known, the signs to prevent another episode from happening. This couldn’t be true. The lack of control didn’t make sense. Not when he promised to never go through this again. Not after he had promised her he’d be better.

This wasn’t like him. All of this was too much right now and Miguel could only be certain of one thing at the moment— the alcohol on his desk would be the solution to chase this turmoil away.

* * *

The office continued on in silence. Miguel crawled out of his chair and made his way to one of the many windows in the room. The night had finally settled into the sky and the city below was beginning to turn in to allow her more room to work. And if the silence was eventually broken by a succession of tears, no one but Miguel and the ghost of the women who still held his heart would know about it.

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: Set after Miguel getting divorced. This chapter takes place in “present” Narcos: Mexico storyline. Majority of the story is a flash back during Miguel’s young adult, college days. Reader/OC will be his first wife.


End file.
